The One Where I Talk About Losing Motivation.

I’m about seven days shy of two months since I started this blog and it’s been about a month since the last time I wrote. There’s a reason why: I lost motivation. I had a great result the last time I wrote, I had lost 9 pounds – but – since then, I haven’t lost anything. I haven’t gained anything, but, I haven’t seen the scale move at all. I’ve also been experiencing some depression. Not the kind where anyone needs to be particularly concerned – but – the kind that puts a bit of a fog over my life. Where good things are happening, and I can appreciate those things – but – for the most part, there’s this sense of “what am I doing here?” – I’m not usually very forthcoming about my feelings, but, in the spirit of finding wellness, I believe it’s about time I start talking about it. 

I came to Kentucky as an attempt to “start over” – and I’ve had a lot of really great success here. I have an amazing job – that I love. I’m in an academic program in an area of study that I adore. I have wonderful, beautiful people in my life who I am lucky to call friends. My family is ridiculously supportive and loving. But, there’s always this sense of “yikes, did I make the right decision here?” – I’m not sure when I will stop feeling that from time to time, or if I ever will, but it tends to trip me up a little bit, even when I have all of these awesome things in my life. You know, graduate school is really hard, my job can sometimes be stressful, from time to time I’m a little homesick, and every now and then, it’s true: my day just sucks. So, yes – the little things – like not losing weight when I feel like I’m trying really hard – they sometimes become pervasive and make me feel down. I become very critical of myself, in many ways. 

So, I’ve stumbled a little. But, I’m ready to keep moving forward. I have a LOT going on in my world right now between work, school, and life in general – and I work very hard to balance these things – to keep myself motivated, and most days are really, really great. Some days, though, I struggle – as I’m sure many of you can understand and have experienced yourselves. So, when you’re feeling kind of bummed, ready to just give up on your goals – what do you do to keep yourself looking forward? 

I promise to do better about writing and keep you all updated – hopefully things will keep moving forward. 11 months til I’m 30. 😉 

This is the post where I talk about losing 9.2 pounds.

So. First of all, I really should write more often – but – some days I’m not really sure that what I have to say is going to be that entertaining for you all, not that I assume that anything I write is all that exciting! Secondly, yesterday was my birthday and it was, overall, a pretty great day. Lots of time spend with friends, cut off about 10 inches of hair to donate to Pantene’s Beautiful Lengths campaign, got to see Anderson Cooper give a talk. Overall, pretty good. It also signifies the official start of finding a way to reach this goal I’ve set for myself – which is kind of overwhelming in a “oh god, I’ve told the entire internet that I’m going to do this” kind of way. Also in a “I now officially have only 365 days to do this” kind of way. Eek!

I mentioned in my previous post that I worry about eating, drinking, etc. on special occasions and so I was pretty worried about my birthday – but – in reality, I did really well. I really hate tooting my own horn, but, I made responsible choices and tracked everything in myfitnesspal – and on top of that, I didn’t go over my calorie allotment at all. And yesterday I even ate dessert – twice! Go me. And this morning, when I weighed myself before I worked out, I discovered that in the 20 days since starting this whole thing, I’ve lost 9.2 pounds (it may have been all the hair they cut off yesterday). I’m pretty excited for myself and I’m looking forward to future successes. Not that I’m counting, that means I need to lose approximately 1.74 pounds per week for the next 52 weeks to reach my goal – that doesn’t seem too unmanageable, right? RIGHT?

In other news, I wasn’t able to swim for two weeks due to some medical restrictions (don’t worry, I’m okay) – so, I’ll be getting back to that this week, hopefully tomorrow – Friday at the latest. I also think it’s getting to be the time that I increase my time with my personal trainer from 30 minutes – maybe 40 next time? Other than this weird crampy, burny feeling I’m getting in my left leg (just above my ankle to about half way up my calf – on the outside) I feel like I could probably keep going. Does anyone have any suggestions about what that feeling might be? My trainer shared that she feels that when she runs some times and she thinks it might just be a muscle that she hasn’t figured out how to stretch out yet – and I’m certainly not an expert, so maybe you guys will have a suggestion?

Well, for now, I need to get on with my day – do some work-work and some homework. I’m also being honored as a Distinguished Member of The National Society of Collegiate Scholars this evening. I am proud to share that I was nominated for one of the five spots available for staff and faculty members on each campus which has a chapter of NSCS. I think that is pretty awesome and I am beyond humbled by the nomination and should do my best to look presentable for that!

Eating (and Drinking) at Special Occasions

Hey, folks! First of all – I’m sorry it has been so long since the last time I posted. My sister got married this past weekend, so, I drove down to Tennessee last Wednesday and just returned to Kentucky yesterday late in the afternoon. Luckily I was able to jump right back into personal training this morning, and am back in my pattern already! I do miss the hell out of my family, though. I wish someone would hurry up and develop instant transportation – anyone? 

So, with having spent 4.5 days out of my regular environment – on top of it being a special occasion weekend – I feel like I really fell off the wagon in terms of healthy eating and working out. The first day that I was in Tennessee, I got out of bed, put on my sneakers and hopped on the treadmill, which was going fine until the treadmill blew the circuit and stopped working. Mom then suggested that I walk up and down their driveway. Being that it is ridiculous long and has a pretty ridiculous slope – this worked! I ate pretty responsibly for breakfast and lunch, but then we had my sister’s bachelorette dinner and peach sangria and Carrabba’s Salmon Bryan got the best of me. Friday we woke up and immediately started working on wedding tasks – luckily the time crunch left very little time for gluttony, until around 8:30 p.m. when I slammed 10 buffalo wings (with bleu cheese dressing) and three glasses of wine. Wedding day was, well, wedding day. No real explanation needed, right? And then Sunday morning brunch, essentially non-existent lunch, and then a rack of ribs for dinner. Oops. Good news? I danced my ass off at the wedding. Bad news? I didn’t track a single thing on MyFitnessPal. So – this is why when I showed up at personal training today – I tried extra hard to kick ass. I think I was pretty successful.

So, I’m going through all of this to get to the point – how does one stay “on track” when special occasions are on the schedule? You want to drink, eat, and be merry with your friends, family, etc. But when you’ve associated food with social, fun gatherings, celebrations, rewards, etc. your entire life – it is really hard to be the person eating a salad (dressing on the side), right? My birthday is coming up next Monday – and this weekend, I have plans to go with my friends for Hibachi since I haven’t been to a Hibachi restaurant in well over a year – and it is definitely one of my absolute favorites. And I have to be honest, I plan on eating every delicious morsel without counting a single, sinful calorie. Am I to feel guilty about this? Do I just through caution to the wind, eat what I will and sweat it out the next day (or workout harder that day)?  What do you folks do when you go on vacation, attend weddings, have birthdays? I’ve always been an “all things in moderation” kind of gal, but, I do tend to beat myself up the next day – so – how do I get over that? 

Tell me what you all think! 

Until Next Time, 

A

988 calories before 10 a.m.

Thankfully, that is 988 calories burned before 10 a.m. (according to myfitnesspal) – there have definitely been days in my life when I’ve consumed 988 calories before 10 a.m. – not often – but maybe more often than I thought. So, I’ve got these 16 personal training sessions available to me. Each of these sessions is scheduled for an hour, however, I am essentially exhausted after 30 minutes – so for now, 30-40 minutes at a time. These sessions are made up of a five minute warm up walk on the treadmill, circuit training, and then a cool down stretch. I walk over to the Underground (which is where PT takes place) – approximately .4 of a mile and then walk back. Doesn’t seem like a lot of work – but – I’m exhausted. By the time I get back to my apartment I feel like collapsing into my bed and not getting back up until I’ve had a pretty significant amount of napping time. I’m very much looking forward to the day that 30 minutes feels like a walk in the park. It’s out there somewhere, right? 

I appreciate all of the comments that you all left on my previous post about eating alone and the perception that we may have of other people thinking badly of me. I have a lot of work to do on the way I allow my perception to get out of control some times. One of my other big hang ups is working out in public places – I like the pool because no one is really looking to see what my body looks like underwater. My jiggly stomach and wobbly legs are hidden by the 3 or 4 feet of water they’re underneath. In the gym, though, everyone can see all of that – especially the jiggly/wobbly. Not a fan. I know that everyone says you shouldn’t worry about that stuff because everyone else is just worried about what they look like – but really? Jumping jacks are psychologically the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. I want to do them because I need to do them – but – ugh, it feels so gross. Physically, it’s like I have 500 pound weights strapped to each ankle when I’m trying to do just one jumping jack – my legs are heavy, and I can feel the jiggly/wobbly and it’s defeating. But. Then I do it for just 8 seconds – just 8 seconds and it’s a win. 

Along these same lines, on Friday, I tried my first Yoga class that was not in a pool. I was already pretty nervous about it. I’m not flexible at all – and I have zero balance. Zero. So – I’ve had this yoga mat for about a year and have never unrolled it. I decide on Friday that I’ll head over to the Johnson Center and try a Vinyasa Yoga class. I have no idea what Vinyasa means but, I think it loosely translates to “Jesus, Take The Wheel” or “Sweet Lord, Please Help Me.” The instructor started the class by saying that if you’re a beginner, Vinyasa Yoga is not for you. Also – there is no laughing or giggling in yoga. Well. Starting any fitness class by saying it isn’t for beginners is probably not the best idea. Talk about discouraging. I tried, though. There was a lot that I absolutely couldn’t do – but I tried darnit. I was sweaty and felt like I had stretched every muscle in my body to the extent that I felt like I might look like an overused Stretch Armstrong (do you guys remember him?). I don’t know that Yoga on dry land is the best idea for me as of yet. 

How do you all feel about working out in public? Is it easier than eating alone? Any yoga fans out there? Will I ever be able to do tortoise pose? I was the only one in that room who couldn’t – so – it might be in my future, who knows. 

Until Next Time, 

A

Eating.

So, I mentioned in my previous post that eating is very social for me. I’m sure that is true for a lot of people – but – I was wondering, do you feel self conscious when you’re eating alone and others might see you? We were discussing the idea of women and hunger/appetite in one of my classes the other day and I started to put some thought into this. I absolutely *hate* eating alone – but – I especially hate eating alone when there are other people sitting at the table who are not eating. It makes me feel like the people around me are thinking some pretty crazy things like “She must be withholding food from them” – I said it was crazy, but, yes. Is it just women who feel this way? Is it just overweight women? …Is it just me?

Why would someone feel this way? I think it says a lot about the state of our society that anyone would feel so self conscious about doing something we all need to do to survive. And, it should be said that I feel this way regardless of what I’m eating – a salad… or cheese fries. In general, society believes that women should keep their appetites in check (not just food wise, but, for my purposes here…). Not to make this a rant about women having it harder than men, but, on average – women appear to be at risk for discrimination at far lower weights, relative to their body size, than men. Does this bother anyone else?

I want to make it *very* clear – I’m not happy being fat, but, I wish there were a way to educate people that just because I am doesn’t mean I sit on the couch eating potato chips by the bag and drinking soda by the case. For the most part, I’ve spent my entire life trying different diets or different exercise plans and have very very rarely seen results. So, not for lack of trying, folks.

Am I in left field? What do you guys think?

Until Next Time,
A

The Plan.

So, first of all, I’d like to say how excited I am that so many of you haves stopped by to leave supportive messages and several of you have chosen to follow my progress. I truly appreciate all of you – and it just goes to show that I have incredible friends and family members! Now that I’ve gotten the ‘sappy’ stuff out of the way – I thought I would talk about my plans in terms of fitness and healthy eating.

One of the benefits of my incredible job is that I qualify for 16 free sessions of one-on-one personal training with a certified personal trainer here on campus. I will be meeting with her on Tuesday & Thursday mornings at 9 a.m. – to start, I will be working for about 30-45 minutes per session, with a goal of completing 60 minutes at about half way through the 16 sessions. In addition to these two workouts per week, I will be participating in a water aerobic class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at one of the local YMCA facilities. Any activity in the water is perfect for me because I absolutely love it, and it doesn’t hurt me! I get a really great calories burn and I can hardly feel it the day after. The same can’t be said for the work I will be doing during personal training – but – it’s a good hurt!

In terms of eating, my biggest goal – honestly – is to actually eat! One of my biggest mistakes has always been the fact that I just don’t eat meals. Regularly, I wake up – skip breakfast, run out the door to go to class, a meeting, etc. and don’t find the time to actually eat anything until around 2 or 3 p.m. I’ve known for years that this is bad for me, however, I’ve never been able to nail down a habit of eating breakfast, packing snacks, having lunch, etc. Inevitably, by the time I do eat for the first time – I feel as though I’ve not eaten in days and as a result, usually overeat. So, as you can certainly see – eating is my goal. I use the popular smart phone application “My Fitness Pal” to track my calorie intake and burn – and based on my weight loss goals, I have been given the daily calorie goal of 2,410. This sounds like so much – however – I know that it’s what my body needs right now in order to see success – so – my goal is to actually eat all 2,410 every day. It’s going to be difficult – but – I’m trying! Does anyone have any suggestions for a busy individual who has trouble finding the time to prepare meals and actually eat them?

Another downfall of mine is eating in restaurants. When I haven’t eaten all day – walking into a restaurant is like walking into a field of land mines. Everything looks and sounds amazing – when there are chips, I can eat an entire basket by myself, and soda, oh the soda! Food has always been incredibly social for me – as it is for most folks – and when you work and live in the same place, it sure is nice to get off campus and have a little break. One of my dearest friends here in Lexington is extremely knowledgable when it comes to health and wellness, and is a HUGE support. We also enable one another to eat out when we know we shouldn’t. To overcome this problem, we’ve made an agreement that we would only dine out once per week. Sometimes it’s very difficult to stick to this agreement – but – we’re doing our best.

So, to break everything down:

Fitness  Goals:

• Monday/Wednesday/Friday – Water Aerobics
• Tuesday/Thursday – Personal Training

Food Goals:

• Eat at least three meals a day
• Plan and pack snacks
• Eat all of my calories
• Dine out only ONCE per week

Have any of you followed and had great success with a specific fitness or diet plan? What was it? What have been some of your pitfalls?

Until Next Time,

A.

Welcome to 100 in 52 by 30!

Hello world! My name is Alex and I am a 28 year old graduate student living and working in Lexington, Kentucky. I’ve struggled with my weight for nearly my entire life – and after spending years thinking “there’s got to be something” – I found out that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, an autoimmune disorder which causes hypothyroidism, and gluten sensitivity. For a long time it’s been easy to tell myself that no matter how hard I try, these problems are going to hold me back. Last year, I managed to lose 50 pounds by changing my diet and swimming – I was maintaining this loss until I experienced a set back: an ankle fracture. As a result, I am starting from scratch, but with a different mindset. No longer will I let my medical problems determine my wellness.

I will be turning 29 on September 30, 2013 (19 days!) – and I’ve decided now is the time to reclaim wellness. I’ve challenged myself to lose 100 pounds before my 30th birthday. I know it will require hard work – and there will be disappointments along the way – but I am determined to find wellness before starting the next decade of my life.

Join me as I take this journey toward health and wellness while attempting to balance a full course load in graduate school, and a live-in job in student affairs at the greatest university in the SEC.